Monday, March 12, 2007

I'm currently in the midst of writing a lovely entry. A proper entry. Two entries in fact. Your cup of literary intellectualism joy shall over-runneth soon.

In the meantime, here are some interesting facts about yours truly:

5 Films I have no desire to see:

1. Even though it's co-written by Roger Avary, even though it has a great cast, even though Angelina is in it*, I'm not a fan of this realistic animation last seen in The Polar Express and it looks horribly dull. The more i see that guy yelling, "I am Beowulf!" in the advert, the more cemented my disinterest becomes.

2. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. What a team. They can do no wrong. They've made 4 whole films together (EDIT FOR STEVE - Not including The Corpse Bride as it's only Johnny's voice) only one of which was truly great, and two of which were truly awful. Yet because Tim Burton fans are obsessive, they will be cumming in their pants over this movie and will race off to buy tickets as soon as it's released before they then save up to go see the 3-D Nightmare Before Christmas at their local Imax (which, btw, I also have no desire to see). Go watch a trailer of Sweeney Todd and pay close attention to when Johnny "I'm so cool I don't even LIVE in America, I just rake in millions from one of it's biggest corporate rapists of wholesomeness, Disney" Depp starts inexplicably singing about getting "his vengeance". Now try to imagine paying to see him do that again.

3. I never read the books, I don't like fantasy, it reminds me of The Never-Ending Story too much (the poster that is) and perhaps it's just because I'm a girl. And I'm not even one of those cool girls who really loves Star Wars and collects Lord of the Rings stuff either. I think all the boys I know should just go watch this together, cos that would be a really great way to spend an afternoon. Male bonding at a fantasy film. I'll even bake you all some cookies like a good girl.

4. Again, great cast (though this is becoming more and more meaningless with regards to a films quality these days) and maybe if I was 5 I'd want to see it. Or maybe if it was a made-for TV movie that they played on December 23 I might be inclined. Again I don't like fantasy, the plot looks incredibly predictable and unsatisfying. But most of all, look at Robert DeNiro's face in the poster. Does that make you want to see this film?

5. Thank you Fox, for sullying yet another childhood favorite by insisting that all children's characters must be updated to be "urban" in order for today's kids to enjoy them. Hence throwing on some shades and bling on my beloved chipmunks. Incidentally, this is brought to you by the same fuckwits that royally screwed up Garfield's big screen debut. Perhaps the saddest part is that the otherwise relatively credible Jason Lee has gotten involved with this mockery.

5 Films I have a desire to see:

1. I'm a big Wes Anderson fan, but to be honest, I haven't much hope for this film. I think his last film was heading towards triteness, and I think this one will be hitting the nail dead on. Way too knowingly quirky, way too "naturally" acted to the point it looks badly acted. Each character with far too many nuances to flesh out in 2 hours. All 3 actors competing with who can walk away as the coolest (surely Shwartzman, he's been doing this schtick his whole career. Wilson had a chance 'til that pesky suicide attempt. Major cool points lost). But then I read that prior to the film, theater audiences will be treated to a short film starring Natalie Portman and Jason Shwartzman in which Portman gets naked. Apparently we don't see everything, but she does get naked. Miss."I'm way too dignified and HARVARD to get nudie" gets 'em out. I'm buying a ticket!

2. It's Christian Bale, Steve Zahn and Werner Herzog. What, really, can go wrong?

3. To be honest, Chris McCandles always struck me as a spoiled, ungrateful prick. Run of the mill trustafarian who acted like a know-it-all asshole and got what was coming to him. But as much a I hate to admit it, because he's such a holier-than-thou bore, I have liked all the Sean Penn-directed films I've seen. Plus, I like Emile Hirsh, And I can easily see him reaching maximum density weight-wise within the next 10 years, so I may as well see him now at his "hottest" (according to Hollywood-buzzworthy-status) and while still getting good roles.

4. Plain and simple, I like the people involved in this film. I like Ellen Page. I like Michael Cera. I like the director. Knowing my luck I'll find it perfectly average and disappointing. But I'm holding out hope... And the trailer looks good!

5. Who in their right mind ISN'T excited about this film. The only downside is, with this much hype, can it actually live up to our exalted expectations? I hope so. The teasers and trailers so far look super duper. I like the idea of it being filmed on personal video cameras and digital point and shoots. Yadda yadda, so far so internet phenom. I do however have one rather major qualm - the title: Cloverfield?? Clover-fucking-field? REALLY? Is that the best we can do?? Still, I await with baited breath.

So there you go.
My current film views.
While I'm still in the midst of writing my opus on FAT, I may return for my Best and Worst of 2007 list. Work has suddenly become terribly dull this week as my best-good-times-at-the-office pal is AWOL, so I shall have more time for LJ shit.

Stay tuned for more!

*But she is not naked in it. This is not Angelina's naked body. It doesn't even look like her naked body, as anyone who's seen Gia can attest to. She has not suddenly gone from a thin, boyish, long-limbed with big tits figure to a curvy and perfectly proportioned one over night.

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