Friday, June 20, 2008

Royal Ascot

Royal Ascot Maaaaaan!!!!

2008 in the house!

That's right bitches, check it out. Royal Enclosure.

Of course.
I've now been a member for 5 years and I can propose other people to be members but you gotta have the credentials, innit. So if you think you got what it takes to rub shoulders with high society, let me know and I might consider it...

So anyways, yesterday was my annual appearance at Ladies Day @ Royal Ascot. I look forward to this event every year, its an exciting time and I like chillaxing with my mother and step-father all day. Plus I like to bet on horses. I'm not much of a gambler, so it's my one time to go mental maaan. I rarely win, and if I do, I usually lose my winnings on the following race. As such I tend to leave with less money than I started; breaking even is the best it gets for me. Man, if I was in an indie film, that sentence would be a metaphor for my ENTIRE LIFE.

After the parking fiasco of last year, along with the rather damp weather, this year was a great success. Unfortunately, I have no photos of the lovely picnic we had beforehand, I guess I was too busy eating. Suffice to say it was delish. Crawfish, shrimp, chicken, sausages, salads etc. all with the obligatory champagne drunk from goblets made of solid sterling silver and lined with gold. Seriously. We actually bring them for the sole reason that they can fall on the ground 80 times and they'll never break. And also cos it sounds cool to say your drinking from a goblet made of silver and lined in gold. We know what we're doing.
So it was a stunning day weather wise:

And behold the winning ticket of the first race of the day! I won!

If you look at the name of the horse, you should get a reason as to why I chose this particular runner. It happened to be the favorite, but this made little difference...
You'll also see that I bet with a nominal amount of money. This is because my system of choosing horsies based on their name/color of jockey's jersey/country of origin etc is not exactly foolproof. In fact I believe this was my only real win of the day and as a result by the last race I was betting like £2.50 each way. Tough times.

But the real fun of Ascot is of course checking out what everyone else is wearing. Most of the time, it was too crowded for me to get a good shot (especially as the real shockers aren't in the Royal Enclosure but with the ordinary hoi-polloi Ascot-goers and its super packed round their end) but I got a few shots. Some super, some super questionable:

There was a lot of this matching business, which I'm all for. In fact Ascot is the one time of year where I do match my outfit. But though you can't quite tell on this photo (and it's shit quality as I had to zoom and crop from the original) the green bag this lady is holding is made of some synthetic fur-type material. Furthermore, she added some of this to the horrible puke-colored hat as well. She really went to town on looking disgusting. Plus, the undeniable dullness of the rest of her outfit only enhances the putridness of the hat/bag combo.
PS - the pig-faced lady on the right was wearing a mixture of two hats it seemed, neither of which worked; but with a face like hers, I felt it cruel to tear her down further. She has enough to deal with...

I love this hat. I love this type of hat in general really. See the white hat in the foreground? And the turquoise number in the background? These are the kind of hats I detest. SO boring. SO dull. It's ladies day for christ sake! Go crazy a little! Have fun! This pink beauty is just the right kind; if you look closely you'll see the black wire actually forms a skeleton-shape of a top hat. Impractical, obtrusive and useless outside of this event. Perfect choice!

(sorry for the lack of focus...)
This is the third year running I've seen this woman at Ascot in this hat. She looks about 64 or so, and I would guess she's been wearing this outfit/hat combo for decades. The suit is a classic cut and she's kept her shape, so why not? And the (amazing) hat is not wacky in a trendy way, so it stands out in a timeless fashion. She's wonderful and I hope to see her again next year. (ETA: I've just found out she's "Mrs. Edward Claridge". I still have no idea who this is.) There's also this Oriental woman who's tiny and wears the most extravagant outfits every year but I totally missed her this year! Either she was a no-show (doubtful) or I was just unlucky (obvs).

Great matching butterfly hats. I was impressed. Plus - as well as matching the fabric of their outfits to that of their hats, the men they're with have corresponding matching bands of fabric on their top hats. A well thought out fashion plan...

OMG you guyzz, I so did not know that that the lovechild of ZZ Topp and Axl Rose was a member of the Royal Enclosure! Lolz!

Gotta say, both the Queen and Anne looked pretty dullerific if you ask me...Where's Prince Harry to jazz things up when you need him?

Homegirl wasn't giving me no love...

OMG you guyzz, I so had no idea the wicked witch of the west was a member of the Royal Family!! Lolz!

But for reals, the best part of being a member of the Royal Enclosure, as I keep banging on about, is the space:

On the left is the Royal Enclosure area, on the right is for all the ordinary civilian folks. We got it goood.

And finally my mother reveals the secret to lasting comfort when you're spending an entire day on your feet on hard surfaces:

Clear Jellies. The way forward for stylish comfort...

And that's all she wrote! Oh and by the way, I looked elegant and ladylike, the one time per year I do this. Matching handbag and all!:

Yet for some reason, I was making THAT face. I have no idea why. Still, you get the idea. Check out the horserace on TV right behind me. I'm so in the action!

This entry is dedicated to my book club friends who were at our monthly meeting on Wednesday. We know how rock a literary par-tay. I couldn't a pic of the whole entire group, but you get the idea. Even if dude on the end looks pissed...


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LA said...

SO much better not black, THANKS. I love your ascot review, I particularly enjoyed it being a child of Brian Androlia who is a regular at pretty much all horse racing events. You look very nice.xx

Coleslaw with a C said...

god the font they use on the name tag is so ugly