Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Forever Fake Tits

Is Botox bio-degradable? Is silicone? Or saline? If not, then this must present quite a predicament to all these Hollywood ladies who spend all their time preaching about the environment, driving their Hybrid's, drinking Fair Trade coffee, eating locally sourced vegetables, off-setting their carbon emissions every time they fly and so on. All this effort to prove to everyone how much they care about 'the cause', how much the future of humanity is in their hands and yet when they die, and their body disintegrates into the ground, all that will remain is plastic lumps and mounds. The only evidence of their vacuous existence. Is this why cremation is so popular? In fact, if you think about it, cremation's rise in popularity seemed to coalesce with the rise of plastic surgery and environmentalism. Was this their main selling point? Stop burning fossil fuels - let us burn you!

Also - while on the topic of environmentalism, has you noticed the recent trend for telling us that we must save the plant for the sake of our grandchildren? Remember when it was just about the current children? I remember when I was the future, every cause was for the sake of me. I feel sorry for today's kids, no one seems to care about them. It's all about THEIR offspring. The current 0-16 yr olds are like this lost generation. Everyone worried about their grandchildren, no one caring about their present spawn. No wonder kids are getting knocked up at 14, it's the only way to get mommy away from the recycling.
Well, not me. Tell you what - I don't give two shits about my grandchildren. I think the relationship between grandchildren and grandparents is weird enough as is. There's such an age-gap (unless you're from the deep south or Scotland in which case your grandmother is 35) and usually there's only a few meetings per year mixed in with the requisite greeting cards for Special Events. The entire relationship is so forced, not to mention one-sided; most kids don't care about their grandparents really, they just want that $20 check in the birthday card and in the meantime you're lucky to share a few tender moments in between mutual intense boredom. By the time kids reach a level of maturity which offers them the perspective to view their grandparents as interesting people rather than just old fogies, the grandparents are going senile and then they inevitably pop off, so the entire exercise is rather a waste of time. As such, my relationship with my future grandchildren will likely be a bit strained already, must I now start caring about these little shits in my 20's?

By the way, I loved my grandparents dearly - but they're all dead now, so I can sorta say what I want really.

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your grandparents were born into that era where their own parents weren't supposed to smile at the camera, and your granny only discovered washing up liquid in the 60's. Which wasn't much fun for washing your hair before school each day - let alone in cold water from the kitchen tap.
Ours is a particularly dysfunctional family where the breadwinner was an immigrant, a refugee, and scorned as such. I doubt that your grandmother ever got over the shame of it - of course she didn't. She used up all of her natural character trying to get over the social stigma. Such was the need for rampant sex that she didn't realise what she was doing way back then in the 40's!
Will the present families ever recover from the cold and heartless Grandpa Simpson & Joyce?
Doubtful.
Today's grandparents aren't so eager to retire to rest homes and into early senility, but are more likely to drive over to see their grandchildren.
You think your grandparents were bad - mine gave me the chance to hold the piss pot while he peed into it. That rapidly killed any affection.

RROK Knuckles said...

sorry - didn't mean it to be anon reply